Hello :)

My name is Elly. You can read this or not, I use writing as a way to clear stuff off my mind.
I was born in Sao Paulo, BR. I grew up in Florida. I just recently moved back to Sao Paulo in September of 2008.

My life changed dramatically after I accepted God.

Some people have no idea what teenagers go through.
It could have been because of a bad choice in friendships, my broken family, my own self hate.
Im not too sure why I was who I was. Until now.
I needed faith. I needed some hope in something bigger than me.

Like alot of people, it started with the self hate.

I was about 12 when it started. I used cut myself. No, not for attention. It was the complete opposite. I didnt want anyone to know, I hid it for years. My parents never noticed. The only person who knew was my best friend at the time. Im not sure how it all started.
It was introduced to me by a Linkin Park video, Numb I think hahah. It sounds really lame
but now when I look back, its amazing how a simple song can change your life.
I used to lock myself in my closet and slice my arm up real bad. I remember it all like it was last night. Now I look back like, how the hell did my parents not notice.. They really had no clue!
They looked at me like I was someone completely different. On the outside Id make it seem like I had it all in line, I got good grades, I had friends, a good relationship with my sister. I looked like a normal suburban kid. I didnt look gothic or anything. Thats a total misconception!!
It was like I had a Jykell and Hyde aspect of my life. But instead of murdering others, Id murder myself. Im not trying to whine or anything. Im just giving people a side of my story. If your a parent and reading this, please, pay more attention to your kids. They could end up like I did.

The cutting went on for 3 or 4 years. Every day, the same ritual. Id walk home from school. Sit at the computer, check a few things, do some homework. When my parents came home, Id run upstairs and turn on my music. Why? So I didnt have to hear the fighting. In a way, I didnt want to do what I did, but I just didnt know a better way to take out my anger and sadness. I wasnt close to my parents because of my childhood upbringing. I was scared to open up to my mom. And for my dad? Well, he was never really there.

Eventually, I had to tell my mom about my problem. I wanted therapy. I wanted help to stop because I noticed that the longer it went on, the worse it got and the harder it would get to stop.
I wanted to get rid of that stupid problem. I started to hate myself for cutting. So it was like, I cut because I cut. It just got worse and worse each day that went by. So I went into therapy. And to my surprise, it helped me stop. My therapist was a huge peace freak with an awesome taste in music. During our sessions he would put on some Face 2 Face or some Casualties or whatever was on his iTunes playlist. That helped me open up to him alot. I told him things I couldnt tell anyone. I built this awesome friendship with him. That guys gonna be in my heart forever.
I got on Prozac, 20 mgs a day. I still take it to this day. But I plan on stopping soon. :)

Thats the first part of my story.
Once again, Im not writing this to whine and whatever. You dont have to read this.
Its to clear my mind, to put my story out there because it could help some people not make the same mistakes that I did. And/Or change their life and to stop messing it up.

I just dont want anyone to go through what I did.


Nighty Night :)